Independence Day

I miss so much writing on this blog and reading the other single's blogs:)

This year I am celebrating my independence from desperation.

Tonight I went to do some catering work which I pick up in hard times to pay bills.

Tonight was my last night with this catering company. From now on, I'll do catering only on Saturdays and only for the one catering company that I LOVE. I'm not going to pick up work that I don't love on days that I need for other things just because I feel desperate for money. I'm asking myself what I enjoy, what makes me happy and not accepting any thing outside of those boundaries.

This fall I am turning 30 (I've begun to train for a marathon and I've invited my friends to join me in a "30by30" (lose 30 lbs by age 30) celebration.)

One thing I've learned in my 20s is that while money comes and goes, time is gone forever. Acting from a place of desperation has caused me to spend years of my life in bad relationships, maintaining bad friendships and at god awful jobs.

I can make that time and those experiences work for me in what I am doing now (and I do), but I can't get that time back.

So no more Sunday catering events (I'll be too busy with marathon training anyways) and no more picking up work that I feel not-so-excited about.

Will I have enough money? Ahhhh. That is always the question. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to pay my bills? Will I be able to get gas in my car? Will I be able to repay my debts?

Will I be able to survive on my own?

The answer is always yes. There is a way to make it through even if you have to quit feeling desperate and start trusting, start reaching out and start letting the world in.

In all parts of my life. I declare my independence today from desperation.

What are you independent from today?

Singlutionary Wedding

I've been working a lot of weddings lately as catering staff. This is something I did after college for extra money and something I'm now doing again in order to get my new adventures off the ground.

I generally dislike weddings mainly because I fail to comprehend them --- why would you ask people to come from all over the world and then just talk about how you love one person more than them? But I also secretly dislike them because I've never had one.

A wedding may not be something that every little girl wants but I certainly did. I wanted to get to wear the big wonderful dress and have all my friends together and I wanted to have all the beautiful lights in the trees and tulle dancing in the breeze and the candles and the music and the sense of community and the sheer beauty of it. I've always been interested in creating beautiful spaces and beautiful events and the wedding event is the epitome of these things.

Of course I grew up in an unconventional family and a slightly unconventional community so as a little girl I felt completely free to imagine my wedding pretty much groom-less and I did. In many ways the groom is absent in most little girl's fantasies of their own wedding. It is about the dum-dum-da-dum and the dress and the flowers and the bridal party more than anything else. My fantasy wedding would include a multi-family improv show in lieu of a ceremony and feature a performance by Marilyn Manson at the reception and would take place in the very same location where Jurassic Park was filmed.

The wedding I was working last night was deeply conventional in a Texas twang kind of way. The outdoor ceremony began with the lords prayer and the reception (which was held in a barn) featured country music (most of which included the word "Texas" in the song). The bride and groom ended the night by running a gauntlet of sparklers -- the bride, of course, in cowboy boots. And somewhere during this evening while I oversaw a buffet of sliders was this: I would have gotten married and lived a "conventional" life if that life had been presented to me.

I always think that somehow it is a different breed of person who gets married in her early-mid 20s and has 2.5 children and lives in a single family home with a flawless front lawn. I've always felt like some kind of an outsider to that life -- like a little girl window shopping for her future but never being permitted to enter the store.

What I realized last night is that what I have done in my life and what I haven't done has nothing to do with the kind of human I am. I am not a different breed of person who is immune to a more conventional lifestyle. If given the opportunity to live a more usual life, I would have jumped at it. I would have worn the white dress down the isle with the candles and the flowers and the tulle and I would have rode off into the sunset in whatever kind of footware was appropriate for my location and my upbringing.

In many ways I was taught and I accepted that a wedding is the beginning of adult life. But what happens when you're well into adulthood and there is no wedding in sight?

My life has presented me with singleness just as other people lives present them with a spouse or partner. And being single has made me who I am just as being married has made others who they are. It isn't a singles vs. coupled world that we live in. It is simply a human vs. sacrifices world. Are we going to live our dreams even if they make no sense or are we going to give into the comfort and stability of the daily grind? Which do we want? Most likely a little of both.

Do I still dream of my improv-show/controversial-yet-oddly-eloquent-celebrity-performance/dinosaur-landscaped wedding? Yes. Do I still dream of me going it alone in the beautiful dress on top of some rock outcropping with the sun setting into the ocean and then ride off into the sunset on a tulle clad brontosaurus? Yes. Do I have the energy to ever pull this off? Maybe. But for right now there is a dirty car that needs to be washed and baby chickens that need to be integrated with the big birds and a dog with too-long toe nails and a new business endeavor to start tomorrow.

Planning My Comeback

I've been gone so long but it feels so good to be back. I've missed all my blog friends and thought of you often. There has been so much to write about that I'm not sure what to select. It would be impossible to write about it all.

I am still, slowly, but surely, figuring that out.

What I do know is that this blog will go back to the original vein -- stories from the Singlutionary. The rest of the topics around which I have clarity (homeownership, how-to, self employment, etc) and which I don't (sex, money, etc) will be addressed separately somewhere else on the webiverse (but I will redirect to them from here -- for those that are interested).

So my blog friends, I will return to catch up on your lives and to swap stories from the Singlutionary life. Just give me a bit more time to catch my breath, get a grasp on my thoughts and hit the snooze button, yet again.

With Love,

Singlutionary

Singlutionary's Heart

The symbol for valentines day is a heart.

I already have one of those.

When I go out in public (which I don't seem to do very often lately), I notice that the shops are filled with red and pink and with hearts. I am pretty unoffended by all of these symbols. And this Valentines Day, as every other Valentines Day in my life (I have NEVER been involved with anyone on Valentine's day EVER), I am glad to be single.

Instead of worrying about my gift or his gift being "too much" or "too little" and instead of feeling pressure to have extra warm fuzzies towards my sweetheart, or feeling awkward about how my extra pounds look in the lingerie I crocheted for myself, I can just finish my taxes and catch up on emails.

In the past I might have thought that doing mundane tasks on Valentines day was kinda pathetic. But no longer.

Cause I have a heart already! I don't need another heart to cover over my heart or to be the red heart inside of my pink heart or visa versa. I don't need chocolate (lord knows I've got enough of that) or really hideous jewelry that keeps being advertised on TV with these gross semi-romantic/wholy-sexist advertisements.

Today is my secret Singlutionary day to play catch up while the rest of the world tries in vain to prove their love beyond any shadow of a doubt.

Of course, I could do something to celebrate. I could go see the Vagina Monologues or I could save a singles party with my 3 single friends. But today is just like any other day in my life: full of blessings.

I have a quiet morning to sleep in with my precious pup, lazily let the crazy chickens out to range in the nasty poo cesspool that is my backyard, drink orange-mango juice and take care of nagging personal tasks which have been bothering me for weeks. I even have time to post on my recently abandoned blog!

And then, by happenstance, I have a friend coming over this afternoon to work on a coffee table project in my garage, followed by a possible impromptu celebration marked with jello shots and chicken shit bingo.

Life doesn't get any better than this. I have my heart. It is beating. It is thriving. And there is love all around.

Happy Valentines Day to all the Singlutionaries in the world. I hope you get a chance to file your taxes, take out the trash and make a toast today! Toast to yourself and the heart you've got and the love you give!

Giveaway Winners

This is going to be a quick little post and then I'll be brushing my teeth and going to bed!

Mikki, you are the winner of the verve e-card membership.

Hebba, you are the winner of Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering a Pizza

Please email me at singlutionary@gmail.com in order to get your prizes! Hebba, I'll need a snail mail address.

I have all the previous winner's prizes packed up and ready to go. I just need to get to the post office!

Singlutionary Travels

I seem to be on vacation from blogging still but I wanted to write a quick update:

I am going to India in March. It is kinda a Singlutionary trip and kinda not . . . some things I will do alone but for the most part I will be there with my Indian friend who's wedding I'll be attending. So its not a solo journey but I still find it intimidating.

As a result, the theme for the month of March will be travel -- as a single, solo, etc.

Hoggle the horrible roommate is gone and has quit terrorizing me on craigslist. This is a blessing. And I met a totally suitable sane potential roommate earlier tonight.

Don't forget to enter my giveaway. It isn't lame. It is pretty cool actually!

Double Trouble! Giveaway from VerveCards.com AND The Pizza Book

I am still busy with the every day party that is living in my Hoggle free house so this one will be quick! Eventually I will get back to posting non-giveway posts but this is all I've got in me for this week!

I have two great giveaways this week. Comment to enter and I will announce the winners next week. If you already commented to win Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering a Pizza by Cherie Burbach two weeks ago, don't worry, that comment still counts and commenting today will enter you again.

This week I'm adding to the mix a great freebie from VerveCards.com. These ecards are really friggin' bright and fun and border on being irreverent. Of the wedding cards, none of them involve white doves and wedding bells. But my favorite is a v-day card which simply states "Happy Singles Awareness Day". Membership is about $15/year and the cool thing is that you can schedule cards to be sent a year in advance. If I were organized enough, I would input all the birthdays and anniversaries and holidays at the beginning of the year and then forget about them! Maybe next year!

So, this week you can enter to win a free one year membership at VerveCards.com

Also, right now they are doing a 2 for 1 membership deal on their website (buy yourself a membership and then give one to a friend). The secret Singlutionary code is: VDAYVERVE:

"Those joining with a promotional code during our Valentine's Day 2-for-1 Special, please Join Now. Once you're a Member, email your intended gift recipient's first and last name and email address to Info@VerveCards.com, and include the code. We'll set up the FREE Gift Membership and get right back to you with the account details. Then you can email the new Login information to your recipient in a VerveCard! Sale runs through Valentine's Day (2/14). Per our Privacy Policy, email addresses are never sold, rented, or used for spamming."

And if you won a giveaway lately and haven't gotten it in the mail its only because I've been too poor to pay postage! But that has ended and I will be mailing out giveaway items tomorrow!