Its a Man Hailstorm

One of the Onelys suggested to me a while back that I call up match.com and quit for good even though I still had a month to go already paid. But I didn't. And for two or three weeks there was so little activity anyways that it hardly mattered.

Then two unrelated things happened which are totally (and only) related in my brain:

1. I sat next to a hot guy on the airplane. We're not talking about a hot guy in terms of tall dark and handsome. We're not talking about a hot guy in terms of young and buff. We're not even really talking about a guy. We're talking about a MAN. Said Man was not wearing a ring. He was obviously at least 10 years my senior, most likely 15-20 years. He had the body of a man who had played high school football as a teenager, had gotten laid in the back of a american-made vehicle with one of the most popular cheerleaders and he spoke with the warm, comfortable Texas accent which I have grown accustomed to. He is most likely a good person and a big republican, a provider, a protector and a gun owner. For someone, like me, brought up on the West Coast in a city that passed a bill requiring folks to check your gun at the city limits, this type of man is utterly exotic.

Mr. Man must have accidentally lost his ring in the airport bathroom or something because he was pretty quick to bring up his wife and kids that live up in the suburbs (of course). Still, he just dripped of hotness.

After I got off the plane, retrieved my suitcase loaded to the limit with Trader Joes and lined up to wait for my ride, I found myself thinking that I would really like some physical intimacy in my life. That is my only beef with being single. 

And that brings me to:

2. I get home from the airport and match.com is raining idiots. There are a few guys who actually seem to be capable of putting together a profile that actually says something about themselves. There are even a few who don't look like serial killers in their profile picture. But in the past 24 hours I've gotten 20 winks or emails from match.com, two of which are remotely articulate and/or interesting.

I've already been on a date with one of them. A perfectly acceptable lad who is younger than me and randomly used to work with Bosslady (if this world gets any smaller, I am going to start saving up to have my cremated ashes shot out into space). I had fun with the lad but I somewhat doubt that I will be attracted to him. Too young and just not exotic enough. 

There was also a filmmaker Aussie who seemed like a decent guy who winked at me. I winked back. He favorited me. Great. We're at an impasse. I might just give up and ask him to a movie hoping that I could make friends with one filmmaker in this town based on a connection OUTSIDE of the industry. 

I am not sure what the moral of this story is supposed to be except that I seem to be attracted to everyone who isn't me. The tough part about that is that MOST people tend to socialize within their comfort zone with people most like themselves. If I keep seeking out people who are so vastly different from me, how am I ever going to find a social circle which fits together and offers some community?  How am I going to find friends/parters who fit into my life and I into theirs?

Who knows. I am not going to think about that right now. Instead I am going to go drink some emergen-c and make plans for tomorrow. 

Are you attracted to people who are very different from you or very similar? What kinds of differences or similarities do you find yourself drawn to in other folks?

Singlutionary Review: Millionaire Matchmaker

I just caught this show which Lisa at Onely has confessed to be a guilty pleasure of hers.  Its on Bravo and its called The Millionaire Matchmaker. Patti is the LA matchmaker. This big-boobed woman is the most in-your-face-tell-it-like-it-is-ain't-afriad-of-nothing woman to come across the small screen in a long time. I love her for being so straight forward, mostly with the men. The men are typically these picky older rich guys who might be good at business but seem to suck at love. And the women she matches them with aren't floosies. They are smart, educated (and beautiful and skinny) women. 

Of course, I think that the premise for the show is totally nuts. I don't think that people will die sad and lonely if they don't get married and have children. And I don't think that beauty in a woman = money in a man. But I find a secret, dirty pleasure in watching Patti lay it out for the men, often telling them things which are typically only told to women: You're too picky, you're getting too old, you need to find love now, what is your problem, love is the only thing that matters, you're going to die alone . . .

She is pushy and bossy and hilarious and some of these guys are single for a REASON. Still, its interesting to see the men being the ones seeking. And its interesting to see how they undermine their desire to find a kindred spirit by pursuing youth and looks and sex appeal even though they have said outright that this isn't what they want. These guys have everything they could ever want in terms of material possessions but they are just as screwed up as anyone else when it comes to relationships. 

I see Patti as a sort-of reverse Singlutionary. She bosses older guys to get over themselves and accept a woman into their lives whereas I encourage people of all ages to pursue a relationship with themselves, first and foremost. 

But there is something I enjoy about this woman and about this show. And its nice to see other people struggle through first dates!! I thought I was the only person who sucked at dating.

Also, in the episode I watched, the guys planned these elaborate, over the top, super expensive dates. Ewwww. I would feel so uncomfortable with such an intense first date. But I'm also not trying to exclusively date LA millionaires, so there you go!

My Match is My Mirror

I am having so much fun on match.com. There are so many men that I never feel lonely or rejected. At the same time, there are lots of guys that I reject. Sometimes I reject a guy just because of the way he looks in his pictures. Is that shallow? Maybe but I'd like to think that I have a keen sense of people and the kind of pictures folks put up on their profile says a lot about them. 

There are two things that were bugging me when I first started this process: I wanted a man who made a lot of money and who was "athletic/toned". Of course, I do not make a lot of money (right now) and I am not very toned (right now). It kinda bothered me that I was putting these two items on my man wishlist when I currently do not possess either of these qualifications. These two items also seem extremely shallow to me: money and a hot bod. I mean, its nice but is it really important in a soulmate.

So then, a couple days ago, as I was driving out to bosslady's house, I had a revelation:

I want to have a lot of money. I want to have a hot bod.

And that made me realize this: My whole life I've been seeking the qualities I lack (or think I lack) in my mate. And since there are lots of things I suck at, there was always some guy who I was into merely because he was good at something I am not. Here are some examples:

The journalist. I thought this guy was cool because he had his own magazine. I've always wanted to be a writer and tell my story to the world (hence, this blog). The journalist was also very sloppy, broke, close to being arrested, a pushy pot salesman and a bike stealer. He also hooked up with other women he met on craigslist. (I am not saying that its not OK to do this if that is what you're into but I don't want to sleep with you if you do). 

The landlord. He owned a house and rented out the upstairs and lived downstairs. I have always wanted to do that (and now I kinda do). Fortunately, he was also a nice, generous, respectful guy. But what I loved about him at first was his house. 

The abs. This guy lived at home with his parents because he had so much debt after dropping out of the military. But he was fit. At the time my main obsession was getting fit so it followed that I had a major crush on this guy's abs. Unfortunately (or fortunately), he was a flirt but never intended to ask me out. So this crush lasted several months but nothing came of it. 

Anyways. The moral of this Singlutionary tale is this: 

If you are looking for a partner to make up for all your failings and to fill in the parts about yourself that you don't like, you're at a risk for being a desperate dater. The Singlution solution is to review the things you want in a partner and ask yourself if you really just want them in YOU. If that is the case, spend your single time working on those things: for me, it would be plugging away at my endeavors until I can start squeezing some money out of them and working out ever day again. I have the time and space to do this now because I am single. 

In the meantime I (with my empty bank account and extra tummy) am going to be open to dating guys on match.com but when I meet the rich ones with the hot bods I will see them as my match, not as my savior from myself.