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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Its a Man Hailstorm

One of the Onelys suggested to me a while back that I call up match.com and quit for good even though I still had a month to go already paid. But I didn't. And for two or three weeks there was so little activity anyways that it hardly mattered.

Then two unrelated things happened which are totally (and only) related in my brain:

1. I sat next to a hot guy on the airplane. We're not talking about a hot guy in terms of tall dark and handsome. We're not talking about a hot guy in terms of young and buff. We're not even really talking about a guy. We're talking about a MAN. Said Man was not wearing a ring. He was obviously at least 10 years my senior, most likely 15-20 years. He had the body of a man who had played high school football as a teenager, had gotten laid in the back of a american-made vehicle with one of the most popular cheerleaders and he spoke with the warm, comfortable Texas accent which I have grown accustomed to. He is most likely a good person and a big republican, a provider, a protector and a gun owner. For someone, like me, brought up on the West Coast in a city that passed a bill requiring folks to check your gun at the city limits, this type of man is utterly exotic.

Mr. Man must have accidentally lost his ring in the airport bathroom or something because he was pretty quick to bring up his wife and kids that live up in the suburbs (of course). Still, he just dripped of hotness.

After I got off the plane, retrieved my suitcase loaded to the limit with Trader Joes and lined up to wait for my ride, I found myself thinking that I would really like some physical intimacy in my life. That is my only beef with being single. 

And that brings me to:

2. I get home from the airport and match.com is raining idiots. There are a few guys who actually seem to be capable of putting together a profile that actually says something about themselves. There are even a few who don't look like serial killers in their profile picture. But in the past 24 hours I've gotten 20 winks or emails from match.com, two of which are remotely articulate and/or interesting.

I've already been on a date with one of them. A perfectly acceptable lad who is younger than me and randomly used to work with Bosslady (if this world gets any smaller, I am going to start saving up to have my cremated ashes shot out into space). I had fun with the lad but I somewhat doubt that I will be attracted to him. Too young and just not exotic enough. 

There was also a filmmaker Aussie who seemed like a decent guy who winked at me. I winked back. He favorited me. Great. We're at an impasse. I might just give up and ask him to a movie hoping that I could make friends with one filmmaker in this town based on a connection OUTSIDE of the industry. 

I am not sure what the moral of this story is supposed to be except that I seem to be attracted to everyone who isn't me. The tough part about that is that MOST people tend to socialize within their comfort zone with people most like themselves. If I keep seeking out people who are so vastly different from me, how am I ever going to find a social circle which fits together and offers some community?  How am I going to find friends/parters who fit into my life and I into theirs?

Who knows. I am not going to think about that right now. Instead I am going to go drink some emergen-c and make plans for tomorrow. 

Are you attracted to people who are very different from you or very similar? What kinds of differences or similarities do you find yourself drawn to in other folks?


Constance Burris said...

Who am I attracted to? I used to go after people who matched my outward appearance Black and educated, but now I'm trying to branch out. Atleast in terms of just being black. I would love someone who atleast really loves sci fi though.

BTW, I love your blog.

Special K said...

I think context is super important for attraction...for both men and women, right?
See my recent post, but I am attracted to people who have confidence and are secure. They appear to know who they are, and that makes me feel comfortable.

Why are you on match again?

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Singlutionary said...

I think this is interesting. For me there is a difference between who I am attracted to at the purely physical level (hot successful athletic conservative looking white guys) and who I am attracted to on the more spiritual or intellectual plane.

Kahnee: you bring up something interesting in that you've tried to match men by your own appearance. I guess it harder for me to do that cause I am mixed race so there aren't a whole lot of people who look like me. However, I struggle with the fact that physically I have rarely been attracted to a man who isn't white. I don't know what that is all about but its there.

Special K: I also appreciate confidence and security. I just think its strange that I seem to like the type of guy who thinks marriage and family is of the upmost importance when I am the Singlutionary.

And I'm not on Match AGAIN, I just never left.

Or are you asking (again) why I am on match in the first place?

The answer to that question is that I decided to research men and I wanted to have some positive interactions with men because I was starting to feel like all men sucked and I know that isn't true!

Anonymous said...

I'm attracted to ... anyone who's good in bed? :)

I just HAD to say that. But that's about where I'm at right now in terms of "potential relationships."

It doesn't hurt if we have something in common... And if my partner can speak in complete sentences, I like that too.

Sorry to be vulgar. But it's the truth!

-- L

Akirah said...

Different. My current boyfriend is very different to me, as far as our backgrounds are concerned. But we have similar traits, such as stubbornness. But we are different enough to find each other intriguing. But I've learned that there's much more needed in a healthy relationship.

bobbyboy said...

Attraction finds me it seems. I mean that out of the blue, I'll see something about a lady, or something she does that grabs my "wow-o-meter"

I think I'm an opposites attract type guy if pushed to tell. I have traveled to South East Asia quite a few times and realized that Asians are really sexy. I tend to like in woman what woman like in men, confidence. Alpha-woman come to mind.

I guess I just said that I am attracted to: Alpha Asian woman who are confident?

God, you just solved a big problem for me, thank you ;)

Anonymous said...

I think that even if you have very diverse friends in your circle, you needn't worry about them not all cohering together because chances are you draw friends who themselves also like to have diverse friends . . and so on and so forth.

That description of your married texas man was pretty funny.


SingleWomenRule.com said...

Right on time with your post Singlutionary!

I just joined Plenty of Fish a few weeks ago, for some of the same reasons that you detailed to Special K.

It's interesting how subconscious factors play into who we're attracted to . . . there's always the be open, try to expand philosophy, and I think there's merit to that, IF face to face contact has already been established, through no doing of your own. (i.e co-worker, neighbor, etc.)

But if it's got to depend on you going through all his pictures 5 times to decide if his nose isn't THAT bad, just delete.


The Singlutionary said...

Lisa: dude. I totally get you. Not vulgar at all!

Akirah: Yes. I get the differentness thing too, obviously.

Bobbyboy: Thank you for using the phrase "wow-o-meter" and "alpha asian women who are confident". Putting "alpha" and "asian women" together in the same sentence fights some big ole steriotypes!

Christina: true. true. I do have a circle of friends and we are all the odd-one-out in most of our other circles.

SWR: Its interesting looking at guys online. Because I judge them not only by general hot-or-not -ness but also by their demeanor in their picture and what kinds of pics they put up. There was one uber granola guy who put up all these pics of him which were really about the scenery and I couldn't see him at all. That told me that he was all about scenery. Then there is the guy who is wearing sunglasses and a hat and holding a bottle of wine near his face in his profile pic. What they heck? Closed off, arrogant? Its pretty easy for me to delete guys just based on pictures.

Susan Walsh said...

I hardly feel qualified to comment here, having been married for nearly 25 years. I live vicariously through my daughter tho! She has been with several guys who are not at all good looking, who she says "really see her." I think that's interesting. Also, she recently reported that she has had an "epiphany." She wants to date a black guy. I asked, "Is this because you have a big crush on Barack Obama?" and she sheepishly said, "Maybe!" So yes, I think opposites attract, and that's great. Viva la difference.

Constance Burris said...

Susan: OMG!!!!!!!!
Tell her to watch herself. Depending on your location and occupation she may end up with a "Chris Brown or 50 cent" instead of an Obama. I hope she has fun experimenting.

bobbyboy said...

You inspired me :)