Singlutionary's Secular Sabbath

I lived in Utah in my early 20s and I pretty much became as close to being a Mormon as you can get without actually converting. Lots of different religions observe the Sabbath (whichever day it falls on) in a variety of ways. Mormons don't go shopping (or listen to secular music, etc). The concept behind this (which makes a ton of sense if you live in Utah surrounded by Mormons) is that if you're out buying stuff, you're forcing people to work on the Sabbath and nobody should have to work on the Sabbath. Basically, the whole day is dedicated to quiet, restfulness, thoughtfulness, community and (of course) church.

I don't go to church but I have long loved the idea of taking a day off from the world. Our consumer culture is so strong and I am always going full steam ahead on one project or another and running around buying things or working so that I can buy more things so I can do more projects, etc. If I'm not working at a job on Sunday, I'll be working on a project or going on some huge hike which leaves me more tired come Monday. 

Because I am single, its easy for me to keep going full steam ahead all the time and not take time out to just relax and hang out at home without some master productivity plan. I think that coupled people who live together are more likely to enjoy a day around the house doing nothing in particular because they don't have to go anywhere to socialize. Regardless of your coupled or non-coupled status, I am realizing how important observing my secular sabbath is to my mental and physical health!

I advocate for all people (but single work-a-holic types especially) to spend one day a week (whichever day works for you) to be thoughtful, reflective and to enjoy the most simple things in life. I have found that the following guidelines make my secular sabbath more enjoyable and restful not only physically but emotionally and mentally and yes, spiritually was well. Come Monday, I feel truly refreshed and ready to get back to work. You might have different guidelines (if so please comment), these are mine:

1. Plan for a Planless Day. My sabbath is off limits even to social plans. If a friend wants to get together great, he/she can call me when they're ready and just come on over to hang out.

2. Spending Free Day. Not only does this save money but it limits the amount of hustle and bustle in my life and forces me to do simple, quiet things at home and to be imaginative about my activities and/or catch up on reading.

3. Expect Nothing of Myself. I am a very planned, organized, productive person so this is a real challenge for me. I want to make a list of stuff to do like "write a blog, prepare garden for planting, clean the kitchen". There is something to be said for taking a day off from cleaning and chores. Cleaning and chores ARE work. If I am walking through the kitchen and spontaneously wash some dishes, great, that is a bonus, but this is one day where I am not going to shake my finger at myself for having a dirty house!

4. Enjoy the Emptiness. I feel super lazy on Sundays. If I am not intentional about observing my Secular Sabbath, I just get depressed because I don't feel like doing anything and that makes me feel like a looser. But if I just give myself the day off and intentionally only do things that I want to do in the moment I find that I a) surprise myself with the things I do get done and b) am way more productive the rest of the week.

5. Keep it Simple. The best activities for a secular sabbath are simple basic things like: sitting outside in the garden with the dogs, reading a book in bed, watching Big Love on DVD, writing love notes to long distance friends, writing my blog or in my journal, making a nice dinner and inviting a friend over, taking a bath, watering the yard, day dreaming.

6. Keep it Human Powered. This might be left over from my hippie days but I enjoy not using the car for a day. If I want to get out of the house I can walk (or ride my bike if I ever get around to fixing the brakes). Keeping things simple and close to home reminds me to be grateful for my home and to observe the small kingdom that is my neighborhood.

So, fellow Singlutionaries, do you observe a secular (or a not-so-secular) sabbath. What are your guidelines for a simple restful day off? Do you find that observing a secular sabbath enhances your quality of life? What obstacles do you have in setting one day aside to rest and relax? 

What the Heck am I doing with My . . .

Life. Dates. Email. Job. Friends. Dog. House. Garden. Car. Family. Uterus. Blog.

The list never ends. 

This past year has been about evaluating and then re-evaluating everything and everything that I hold dear and everything and everything that I despise. And everything in between. I don't know if this is an experience common to folks in their late 20s but it seems to be a pretty universal experience. The extreme sense of isolation as well as the extreme sense of personal growth and strength must be universal too.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the job/career aspect of my life. The main question is: What am I going to to about my acting career. The main answer is: What career?

I moved to my wonderful small city when it had a vibrant indie film scene. That film scene has in past years been drained away to almost nothing. We're fighting to get it back but depending on some state bills passing which may or may not happen.

And the odd thing is that I don't care. I mean, I do care very much in that I want this to be a place where folks make movies and make good movies of all sized budgets and tell great stories with a unique voice and tell them with grace and love and compassion and humor. I want to be a part of that.

But if that doesn't happen here, I'm not moving. I'm not going to chase the dream in LA or move to another state chasing the indie film dream. I'm not setting out for greener pastures. These are my greener pastures. I came here seeking a better quality of life for myself in a city where I would feel at home (oddly enough I never felt "at home" in my hometown no matter how hard I tried) and be able to pursue my dreams. And I HAVE been able to do just that: I have a wonderful quality of life, I feel at home and I've pursued my dreams.

And I am not leaving. 

This point was driven home to me today while on my 3rd match.com date. The fellow I was having coffee with said (in conversation) that he won't stray any further from his (tiny) hometown than this small city (four hours distant). His familial roots in this state go back generations and hundreds of years. I, however do not have roots in any one place that go back generations or even one generation. My people do not stay put. They are wanderers, immigrants, travelers, gamblers, settlers, entrepreneurs, artists, merchants. My father's parents might have grown up in villages in China where they had lived for generations but they left that in the face of communism for life in America. My mother's family were people of the world who lived equally in the United States, Mexico and England and who knows where else.

No wonder the concept of "home" fascinated me. No wonder I want some sense of rootedness in my life while at the same time needing a sense of freedom.

When I moved here, my married friends were pea green with envy: "I wish I could just pack up and move someplace but I'm married. If I weren't married I would do something just like what you're doing."

Turns out that putting down roots has nothing to do with marriage and a family. There is something in me that says "stay". Its as if I'm a well trained dog and the universe has uttered it's command. And I obey. I can't help but obey. I want to be here. 

I've spent so much of my life seeking: the right man, the right career, the right job, the right degree, the right school, the right city, the right house, the right shampoo . . .

But when I'm really in the right place its IMPOSSIBLE not to know it. I know that staying here will bring me all the opportunity that I ever need even if it seems that staying here is career suicide. 

And now that I'm dating, I am seeing that it is the same with relationships. When I'm in the right place its impossible NOT to know it. And so far, the right place has been being Single!

Flatulaughter Love

I guess that the guys on craigslist weren't into flatulaughter. My post was flagged and removed after one day. I was sad because I think I was serious about the whole thing. 

Thats OK. I've been eating dried fruit and beans ever since.

Makeout Prizes

I know that I am the Singlutionary and I usually have all the answers but here is one that I can't quite figure out. I am hoping that someone has some advice for me:

Have you ever wanted to hand out makeout sessions to people who do a really good job at something? I just feel like: I'm single. You're single. And you impressed me. You deserve a nice little makeout session. 

However, I haven't had much luck at just making out with a friend/coworker/relative/etc and having it not become hecka complicated. In general, I am not particularly good at JUST making out. This is a skill I would like to develop. I wish making out was like a friendly hug or a handshake or a nice punch in the arm. That would be fun. But only if I am the one doling out the prizes. 

Single Serving

This could be about two things. It could be about singles serving the world through their dedication to various causes and by being available to help all the married people out when they need it, etc.

Or it could be about eating.

Right now, I prefer the latter.

SO. I am on my third day of baked potatos. This is kinda OK with me because I am almost out of potatos and the spud is now blacklisted from my grocery cart. The end is in sight my baked potato friend! 

But still, being single poses its own set of challenges when it comes to eating thrifty, nutritious yet simple meals (and not having enough left overs that you could eat the same exact freaking thing until NEXT thanksgiving).

I have a really bad habit of eating a bowl of rice and/or a gardenburger patty (just the patty defrosted in the toaster oven) for dinner. (If you have a more disgusting dinner habit, please share it below in a comment. Winner of most disgusting dinner habit will be entitled to a bag of rice.)

My focus, as of late, has been shopping and menu planning so that I do not waste a ton of veggies every week. The only problem is that I get too lazy to cook the veggies. (Which means that tomorrow's blog is gonna have to be about making time for your relationship with yourself or some other cheezy-go-happy-sounding title). 

Regardless. What are some good ideas for simple, quick, single dish, single serving meals? Lets put the baked potato in its place!

Here is what I resort to (I am a vegetarian with an unhealthy attraction to carbs but remember, the Singlution is for everyone!):

A salad with lots of chunky yummy proteins and fruit and stuff

A baked potato

Tacos with whatever veggies are in the house sauteed up right quick

A baked sweet potato

Sandwiches with fresh veggies and other deliciousness

Rice

Chillie Killies (I know this is not spelled correctly and I am totally OK with it)

Brown rice

Comment back, yall! Put the name of the dish in the subject line for easy reference! 

Don't keep waiting around for someone to cook for or for someone to cook for you! Its your body so freaking feed it already. 

Join the Singlution!

The Singlution is about happy, healthy and full living as a single person! 

What ever happened to single being a normal thing and not some alternative lifestyle* that you're afraid to tell your mom about?

And why is it so difficult for our culture to grasp the notion that being on your own does not necessarily entail: desperate-housewife-like behavior (hey, those bitches are all housewives, by the way), unchartable horniness (mainly for men), a lack of safety (mainly for women),  poor diet (men), the wasting away of ovaries (women), pathetic pitiful wasting away in general (everyone), the spread of disease and/or the collection of cats (men, then women respectively).

So if you're single and are already living a fulfilling lifestyle all on your own, or if you're not single but want to stand in support of the single people around you, you're already a part of the Singlution. If you're single and want to find support as you grow into yourself, this is a place for you. If you're newly single and you have no idea how to live life without a spouse/partner/lover, the Singlution is on your side.

By joining the Singlution, you are not taking a vow of singleness or swearing off companionship. You are simply acknowledging that being single is a great way to get to know yourself and to become your own best companion while enjoying a vital network of non-romantic relationships (which will inevitably bless any relationship you might find yourself in down the road).

Single is not the same as seeking!

But enough of that therapy talk. Join the Singlution already! Follow this blog, tell a friend or make a new one! And buy a shirt and a postcard when you get a chance (they're coming! keep checking back!)

*The Singlutionary is all about taking the "alternative" out of many different lifestyles. We all should all be able to tell our moms about who we love, how we worship, what we eat, who we voted for (or didn't vote for) and where we work, etc., etc., etc!