Singlutionary Shifts

I've changed since I began this blog. When I started it 5 months ago, I was a Baby Singlutionary. Every little step towards being a Satisfied Single was a huge discovery and I found blogging a cathartic and supportive way to put my revelations into words. But now, being a Satisfied Single is no longer news to me. I'm used to it. When I started this blog, I wanted to go out shouting from the rooftops: "I am SINGLE AND HAPPY!" Now I rarely even think about the fact that I am single and when the little girl I watch says: "Why aren't you married? You're old enough." it doesn't even occur to me to be defensive (although I do want to tell her that it is perfectly OK to be "old enough" and single for her own sake). When I do think about my fantastic life, the fact that I am single and happy is like a big "no duh!". Being single and being happy is no longer news. It just is. 

Because of this transformation, I been struggling to find a new approach to writing Singlutionary which isn't as dependent upon my own personal revelations or on screaming "single is sexy" from the rooftops. 

Am I giving up on the Singlution? Heck NO! Of course not. The community that I have found online has sustained and inspired me and I want to continue to participate in these conversations and in building a single-positive world. But things will change a little bit. My posts will be shorter (hey, no more novels to read, right?) and less frequent (about 1 per week) and I am going to try and use a more conversational and interactive approach. What does that mean to you, dear reader? Comment more, read other people's comments and then comment again! Use this blog to pose your own questions or to vent your own frustrations or to celebrate your own singleness. 

So what does my "I'm single and happy, DUH!" life look like? Here are some changes in my life which came about because of this blog but which are now, bittersweetly, edging out the time I used to spend writing Singlutionary:

• I recovered from 2008's many personal hurdles (which were so large and so frequent, that I wasn't always sure I would ever get past them)
  
• I have been reunited with my active (running, swimming, biking, hiking) dog loving self after a year of almost 100% inactivity and exhaustion
  
• I found offline community and friendship right here in my home and spend a great deal of time with my roommates
  
• I stopped being intimidated by large homeowner projects and began a garden and will soon replace all three toilets all by myself
  
• For the first time in years I feel excited about having a full time job
• I've resumed long neglected writing projects and am considering applying to an MFA program in creative writing

And so the Singlution moves on. 

Singlutionary on ONELY and SINGLE WOMEN RULE!

Last week Singlutionary was profiled by Lisa and Christina at Onely in their "Some Like it Single" series!

And the week before that Singlutionary was mentioned in a "Sisters in the Struggle" post by Keysha Whitaker on Single Women Rule!

I wanted very much to celebrate these two blogs and their contribution to happy satisfied singledom in a more timely matter but I am learning that I am anything BUT timely!

Regardless, if you haven't subscribed to Onely or to Single Women Rule, you should. Both blogs offer insight, fun and a variety of voices on the Single life from a happy non-hostile perspective. They're uplifting. And they both boast a great list of resources on their blogrolls! Check them out.

If you're looking for more singles blogs than you could ever process in one lifetime, there is a list of the "Top 100 Dating, Relationship and Singles Blogs" on The Toronto Speed Dating blog.

This obscenely comprehensive list includes Onely and Single Women Rule and breaks down the blogs by cities and topic. 

Monday Makeout: Sunday Singlution

I have learned to much about myself in the past week! A week ago right now I was 100% comfortable with being single. I wasn't even interested in thinking about a relationship or anything close to it. I didn't crave sex or miss cuddling. I didn't feel starved for affection. I was on my own little singlutionary way.

And then on Monday, I madeout.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhh. And my body, which has been on the back burner for about nine months came into the forefront full throttle.

So. Now I am a single woman who wants to be single but who also wants some intimacy.

I don't crave it. I don't need it. This is not something that I can't live without. It doesn't distract me all day long. I am not addicted.

But I do want it in a kinda happy sing-song-y xmas-is-coming kind of way. And figuring out how to navigate the world of affection and intimacy and kissing and sex (or, in my case, abstinence) is what my next few posts are gonna be about.

Singlution Clarified

 I would like to clarify one thing: 

I do not believe that being single is better than being coupled any more than I think being coupled is better than being single. Honestly, I think that whether a person is (at the moment) single or coupled has a lot to do with fate (or god/goddess/universe/whatever you're into).

Yes, there are ways you can put yourself out there to meet more eligible bachelors/bachelorettes and yes, you can always ask for a divorce or be the one to end the relationship. But meeting a person whom you really connect with and who you end up in a serious relationship with is kinda a toss up. There isn't a science to it and it affects everyone in different ways at different times. Short people get married just as often as tall people and mean people get married just as often as nice folks. Relationships are one universal thing which isn't about money or beauty or even kindness. 

I am not a person who advocates for ALWAYS being single. And I have not committed to a single life forever and ever. But I do advocate for committing to the life you're in--especially if you're single. Committing to being single (while you are single) is so much different than committing to being single forever. I expect that one day I will be coupled and one day after that I will eventually be married. Committing to being single does not exclude the possibility of a relationship. In fact, I feel that by committing to being single, I will be (and have) a better mate when that time comes.

I see being single as a wonderful wonderful opportunity (which not everyone has: some people couple before they've even really had an adult single life) to grown and develop and nurture myself and to really fully enjoy life on my own terms and see all the things which I have to be grateful for. 

That is what this blog is all about.