Welcome to the Singlution!

No more desperate dating, pitiful pining and wahhhh-wahhhh-waiting!

New to the Singlution? Check out the Singlution FAQ.

Spread the Singlution LOVE! If this blog tickles your fancy, post a link to singlutionary.com on your facebook, myspace, twitter, forehead or just email all your Singlutionaries. Become a follower! Subscribe to the Singlution!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Solidly Single 1

Although I have been single for almost my entire adult life, I have only been comfortable with my singleness for a few months (and quazi comfortable with it for about a year before that). The other 10 plus years of my post-adolescent/adult life were pretty torturous and painful. 

Most single women I know are pining away for something or someone. I am not sure that I personally know another woman or man as comfortable with being single as myself. This is kinda the thing that makes me THE Singlutionary.

There were several components to my sudden revelation of my solidly-singlutionary-self. I realized small things as days went by until suddenly and all together these small revelations added up to an inspired, joyful, satisfied life.

Here is the first (in a blog-mini-series) of these little revelations:

1. You don't need a partner or a spouse or children to have a REAL life.
I don't know if I though my life was fake or not, but I certainly didn't think it was real. I felt like I was trying to "catch up" so that I could have an important and valid existence. A partner or spouse or a family can certainly add to your sense of validation but you'll be a stronger husband/wife/partner/parent if you know how to see the validity in yourself even without all these relationships reminding you of who you are. I was looking for validation and I just couldn't seem to find enough of it anywhere I went. So I had to really intentionally foster a relationship with myself where (come hell or high water) I would KNOW in the core of my being that I was worthy.

On the other side of this validation coin are singles who get a great deal of validation from work. I used to be one of these people too. Work was my whole world and it was my primary relationship. I am very good at committing to a project or a cause. Most of my social life revolved around work things and I loved it. Then I burned out, dropped out and my sense of self was pretty shaken up. In some ways it still is. 

Being human is pretty complicated because if you continue to grow and mature after say 19 or 20, you're gonna keep having these identity shake-ups. And for some people its really scary to have them alone.

However, I think that these kinds of deeply personal soul searchy times are inevitably solitary. You can be a polygamist with 75 children but if you are having some kind of identity shake-up, you're still going it alone. Nobody can see what you see or be where you've been when it comes to YOU. 

So if you're looking for someone to "get" you and make you feel whole, I am sorry to tell you this but it ain't gonna work. You might find someone who comfort/loves/inspires you and makes the path a little easier but in the end, the person who knows you best is always yourself.

This is the adventure I am on. I finally quit trying to find myself in my friends and in my boyfriends and started just looking at me in ME. Its scary and its intimidating but its a journey that can only reveal amazingness all around.

*** Sorry to be preachy tonight. I'll get my sense of humor back in a few days. I must have loaned it out cause I haven't been able to find it for a few days. The only thing I can laugh about is farting which makes me think that maybe I misplaced my sense-o-humor on craigslist.***

No comments: