Meeting my Match

As you may know, I felt derailed last week when my interest in romance was unexpectedly rekindled. 

Well, no, I am not giving up the Singlution. But there was a moment when I thought I was. 

I've never been a good dater. I've always just accepted which ever man walked into my life and I've spend the rest of the time trying to fit myself into/under/around his imperfections or our incompatibility.

So, to be perfectly honest, I have been avoiding romance/dating/making out/etc because I am afraid of it. I don't think I know how it works or what to do with it. My mystery makeout experience last week shook me out of my avoidance and I had to confront my fears.

So, of course, being the nerd that I am, I decided to do a little bit of research. I wanted to find out what kind of man I want so that when I'm approached I can have a little more confidence. 

And that is how I found myself on match.com

I'll be posting my day by day observations. So far I am glad to say that I was not turned on by the guy holding a lit cigarette in his nostril. My dating is getting a LITTLE less desperate already.

Monday Makeout: Sunday Singlution

I have learned to much about myself in the past week! A week ago right now I was 100% comfortable with being single. I wasn't even interested in thinking about a relationship or anything close to it. I didn't crave sex or miss cuddling. I didn't feel starved for affection. I was on my own little singlutionary way.

And then on Monday, I madeout.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhh. And my body, which has been on the back burner for about nine months came into the forefront full throttle.

So. Now I am a single woman who wants to be single but who also wants some intimacy.

I don't crave it. I don't need it. This is not something that I can't live without. It doesn't distract me all day long. I am not addicted.

But I do want it in a kinda happy sing-song-y xmas-is-coming kind of way. And figuring out how to navigate the world of affection and intimacy and kissing and sex (or, in my case, abstinence) is what my next few posts are gonna be about.

Makeout Lessons

I've threatened to give out makeout prizes before but I guess the other night I actually went and did it. 

The whole situation caught me off guard. And then it took me a couple days to get my singlution back. This post is about what I learned from the feelings/confusion/frustration that followed this unexpected makeout session. 

1. I am a different person since becoming the Singlutionary and while I may be an expert at being single I am not an expert at romance or hooking up (in any way shape or form). These things are shaky ground for me and I need to not be overly confident or feel infallible in these areas (yet).

2. Making out can feel just as confusing afterwards as actually having sex. I never thought this was possible. After swearing off sex (This calls for another post entirely which I have been incredibly reluctant to write about. It is interesting how controversial choosing to NOT have sex is.), making out feels much more intimate. I wasn't prepared for this. 

3. I am not invincible. One reason I was so freaked out after the makeout was because I felt myself snowballing towards an inevitable week of pitiful pining, wah-wah-waiting and desperate attempts at dating. I felt my Singlutionary confidence slipping away. Sometimes life shakes us up. I felt incredibly vulnerable and defenseless because I was so unprepared to be attracted to someone again.

4. I do not want a relationship of any kind right now. For me, this also means not making out or hooking up with people. Some people have asked me about how to deal with the lack of sex and affection as a single person. Until lately this hasn't been an issue for me although it is something very worth of addressing. However, for me personally, random makeouts (or hookups) isn't the answer. 

5. I forgot that I am a young attractive charismatic woman. I've been so busy writing and working and trying to figure out myself and grow into a positive, fulfilling relationship with ME that I forgot all about how other people perceive me. And I was kinda thrown off kilter by someone else being interested in me again. Which leads me to:

6. It is time for me to start engaging with the world again so that I can practice interacting with people in a way that is respectful and healthy for both me and for the individuals that I come in contact with. Most of my interactions with people these days are with a few childhood friends, my bosslady, my roommates and with people I work on projects with. I have few face-to-face peer relationships which are purely social. I am quite comfortable in a work/project/task-oriented environment but feel off kilter in social environments. So now that I am no longer a work-a-holic, its time for me to re-learn and dust off my social skills. 

Craving the Taste of My Own Singlution

Oh my gosh you guys. I need the Singlutionary right now to set me straight. The only problem is that I AM the Singlutionary and I am so confused.

I made out with this super nice guy. I don't want to marry him or anything but I really enjoyed it. I like him. It was a nice change. 

So what is the problem?

I don't like feeling like this. All girly. All butterflies and rainbows and fireflies and fairies and stuff. 

Barf. Barf. Barf.

But if I were still in Singlution mode and not all hijacked by emotion/long forgotten hormones I would say:

Lady. Just chill the heck out. Yes. Its fine. Go on and enjoy this experience. Enjoy the nice makeout session with the guy with the _____________________ (I can not reveal what I most personally enjoyed about making out with him cause this is the INTERNETS).  And after you've enjoyed it put it into a file drawer for later. Like a sales call. Forget about it. And then if he calls you, he calls you. Just because he calls you doesn't mean ANYTHING. If you make out again, that is nice. You are a grown woman and you deserve to kiss an attractive lad every now and again. But just enjoy the moment. Quit thinking about the future. There is no conflict here. Keep living your life and I guarantee you that this guy with the __________________ will keep on living his. Maybe you will keep each other company in the middle for a while. Maybe you won't. The most important thing is that you keep on traveling in whatever direction you were headed. If its meant to be, he'll be on the same train.

Singlutionary says: chill out and choo-choo!