Big Love, Small Snack

Yesterday, in order to self-soothe my disappointment over the disappearance of the Pedestrian Bridge boy along with the disappearance of my lifelong career aspirations, I went to costco with a friend where I bought a giant triangle of brie cheese and an even gianter container of pickled jalapenos. I suppose people would buy this kind of container of jalapenos because they run a bowling alley and serve up nachos. But I wanted it all for myself. And it was so cheap. I had to have it.

When I got home, there wasn't really any room for it so I left it on a freshly cleared side table. My roommate, who does not love these delicious peppers in the same way I do, asked me why I had bought such a thing and how I was going to eat it.

I don't know. I said. Maybe I will eat it with brie cheese since I also have a lot of that.

And that is what I did. 

I watched 4 episodes of Big Love, drank some wine and ate crackers, each piled up with a bit of brie and a sliced pickled jalapeno. Its delicious. Its the best thing ever!

And, as if I have not reviewed enough TV shows as of late, I would like to say that watching a TV show about a man and his three wives is the most fun I could have in my current state. 

In some ways I think I could fit in well as a plural wife. I would have some independence, some time alone. Two thirds of the time, I would feel single and I would be part of a strong family/community. But then I would have troubles with the whole breeding thing. I don't want kids and I don't want other people's kids although I could take care of their teenagers. I also don't want to cook or iron. 

Maybe I could be the wife who went to work and had a career and the other wives cleaned and made dinner. 

No, wait. That is the husband.

So, really, what I want to be is the husband. And I want my wives to cook me jalapeno and brie dinners after they've finished ironing my socks.

All I do is Watch TV: Tough Love

My life seems to be all or nothing. My days are either crazy empty or crazy full. This past week I have had a lot of free time because several projects ended. Also, I am sorta going through an(other) identity crisis since I've decided to take a break from acting and I don't know what to do with myself. All I have ever wanted to do is act. What do I do in the absence of that ambition?

I watch TV.

I saw a preview on VH1 for a new show: Tough Love. Basically these hot girls with various dating issues are sent thought an 8 week course in which they are coached out of their dating dysfunction. Great! I want to hear the honest truth about what guys think. This show sounds like fun. And since I still have another month and a half to go on match.com (my own version of dating bootcamp), I might be able to use the advice.

There are things I love about the show and things I hate. I was able to watch the 1st episode online even though it hasn't premiered yet on TV. I like hearing the truth about the girls from the guys perspective. And I really like how Steve, the matchmaker, seems to be able to genuinely pinpoint the underlying issues each of the women have. At the same time I am constantly creeped out by how young/good looking he is and how these women will all do whatever he says. Its kinda like he has his own harem and he is coaching all of them to be perfect in his eyes. Is this guy really the relationship god? How is HE is relationships? The power dynamic grosses me out. 

Not only that, but unique women need unique men. Aside from learning some social graces, these women simply aren't going to be a match with any guy in the room. 

I see a similarity in between these women and myself. They want to be coached on how to be more effective in dating but at the same time, they know who they are and they don't want to give that up. 

Does anyone else feel that on order to date appropriately, they have to give up a little of their personality, especially if they are a particularly unique individual?

I can't make up my mind if following the dating "rules" is just good manners or if it is some sort of deception. Because if I am just my self from the beginning, I'll eliminate all the men who can't handle me right up front. 

Which is what I have been very effectively doing. 

The difference between me and the women on this show is that I am OK with it.

Singlutionary Review: Millionaire Matchmaker

I just caught this show which Lisa at Onely has confessed to be a guilty pleasure of hers.  Its on Bravo and its called The Millionaire Matchmaker. Patti is the LA matchmaker. This big-boobed woman is the most in-your-face-tell-it-like-it-is-ain't-afriad-of-nothing woman to come across the small screen in a long time. I love her for being so straight forward, mostly with the men. The men are typically these picky older rich guys who might be good at business but seem to suck at love. And the women she matches them with aren't floosies. They are smart, educated (and beautiful and skinny) women. 

Of course, I think that the premise for the show is totally nuts. I don't think that people will die sad and lonely if they don't get married and have children. And I don't think that beauty in a woman = money in a man. But I find a secret, dirty pleasure in watching Patti lay it out for the men, often telling them things which are typically only told to women: You're too picky, you're getting too old, you need to find love now, what is your problem, love is the only thing that matters, you're going to die alone . . .

She is pushy and bossy and hilarious and some of these guys are single for a REASON. Still, its interesting to see the men being the ones seeking. And its interesting to see how they undermine their desire to find a kindred spirit by pursuing youth and looks and sex appeal even though they have said outright that this isn't what they want. These guys have everything they could ever want in terms of material possessions but they are just as screwed up as anyone else when it comes to relationships. 

I see Patti as a sort-of reverse Singlutionary. She bosses older guys to get over themselves and accept a woman into their lives whereas I encourage people of all ages to pursue a relationship with themselves, first and foremost. 

But there is something I enjoy about this woman and about this show. And its nice to see other people struggle through first dates!! I thought I was the only person who sucked at dating.

Also, in the episode I watched, the guys planned these elaborate, over the top, super expensive dates. Ewwww. I would feel so uncomfortable with such an intense first date. But I'm also not trying to exclusively date LA millionaires, so there you go!

On the Outs with Going Out

I hate going out. First of all, while I live in my fabulous city, I live 20 minutes from downtown so going out for me is no longer a walk down the street. Second of all, I'm not into being drunk or drunk people. Third of all, I'd prefer to save money to do something practical like buy plants.

Sometimes I feel like I SHOULD go out more because that is what single people do. Single people go out. Young people go out. So if I'm young and single I should be going out every night or at least once a week, right? If I don't I'm either boring or a premature-old-fart. 

But I am totally satisfied with spending my extra evening time at home with my dog watching a movie or TV or reading or blogging. In other words, I'd rather participate in this online community for free than go downtown to spend a bunch of money to be in the presence of idiots.

I don't know if this is merely a phase which will pass in time or if I'm just naturally a homebody. But it seems that I can't win. I am the least boring person I know but at the same time any single person who doesn't go out on a regular basis is judged as being boring by all the "fun loving" singles. 

So, if you're enjoying your Friday night at home (or any other day of the week for that matter), here is a quick list of some of my favorite recent posts by other bloggers which you may find entertaining:

A Story About An Awful Date by Welsh Girl

A Short Film About Chasing Boys from Hooking Up Smart

Sweet Solitude's Entire Blog: This woman has mastered solo living

A Onely post on a topic quite similar to this one

A Book Review on What Would Carrie Wear?

Bella DePaulo's Book (Which I just purchased by haven't yet read) and Blog

Thegoodbyedress cracks me up too. Read each short little blog. Its fun.

And I just want to say that there is nothing wrong with going out! I think its a perfectly acceptable thing to do. I am just advocating for staying in being a perfectly acceptable and COOL way to spend my time. Even if I am young. Even if I am single.

Tool Academy

One of my roommates hooked us up with magic cable. I've rarely lived in a house with cable so it sucks me in pretty easily.

I have a creepy love for gross dating shows. So I was watching Vh1's Rock of Love. It was this fabulous episode where one of the girls busts a boob playing hockey. And then that girl takes all the dirty hockey socks out of the locker. Or maybe it was another blonde girl who's boobs weren't leaking. I honestly have a hard time telling the girls apart. Anyways. Yes. I admit. I watched this garbage.

But that was just a ho-ho appetizer. The main course was a show called Tool Academy. I though this might have something to do with fixing up your house or your car or nifty gadgets or even how to use tools if you are a total idiot. Nope. Its about really really awful guys who have no sense of decency of any kind and their sad desperate dating, wah-wah-waiting girlfriends.

These "tools" are so lousy to their girlfriends that I can only ask: Why are these girls still with them? How much proof do you need that the guy is a total jerk before you dump him? Is "love" really worth all of this?

The "tools" are being tested and must improve or they'll be kicked out of the Tool Academy. On this particular episode it turns out that one Tool had two girlfriends and he swaps the out the one he came to Tool University with for the one who just showed up.

This guy was NOT the one who was eliminated.

Please PEOPLE (men and women)! If you are dating someone who treats you like this and who isn't making you life better and you aren't even MARRIED, do yourself a favor and turn around and run straight in the other direction. It is not going to get better! You are most likely dating a sociopath.

The most disturbing thing to me about this show isn't how awful the guys are (obviously they aren't really interested in being in a serious relationship and their sense of identity is based on some sort of misplaced machoism) but that these women are so intent on sticking by them.

Singlutionary says: No tools for me (unless we're talking power drills and ratchets).