Singlutionary Sacrilegious Sabbath

I've posted before about my Secular Sabbath which I, unrebelliously, chose to observe on Sundays. I committed to observing a day free of shopping, plans or housework when I could be alone and rest and reflect on the rest of my week. 

Lately, my sabbath has been more of a Saturday thing, where I crash dead on the sofa all day and take long long naps after a marathon type week. Of course I also work on Saturdays, so the day isn't completely mine and the whole secular sabbath ritual is starting to go to hell-in-a-handbasket.

I'd like to continue to observe a Secular Sabbath on Sunday, not only because of the nifty way that sounds, but also because it is the only day that I consistently have off from work. I also, as a practical matter, wouldn't mind synching up my own secular day with my friend's holy day. 

But, unlike me, church-going Christians go to church on Sunday. They do actually set foot out of their homes and participate in some kind of a ritual with other people which is typically part observation and part participation.

What I am going to say next may be exceedingly offensive:

Last Sunday I observed my Sacrilegious Sabbath at the movie theatre. And I liked it. It didn't feel guilty or dirty or wrong. It felt just right. Because movies are my thing. I participate in making films and I find solace, comfort and community in watching films. I went alone in true Singlutionary style but there were others there. We sat in rows and although we did not know each other there was a sense that we were on a common journey, a common path as we watched the movie and lived the journey portrayed on the screen. 

I happen to live in a town with a very unique movie theatre. You pay admission just like any other movie theatre (I was delighted to observe that the price for the first screening on Sunday is $2 off the regular price just like it is on weekdays) but the seats, instead of having another row of seats in front of them have a low table that stretches down the row. There are menus and pens on the table and you write down an order for food and the waiter walks down an isle between each row of seats/tables to take the order and deliver food. The food is pretty good and they also serve drinks and deserts and fun special movie-themed items depending on what is currently screening. I have met the owners of this theatre, as they are involved in supporting the greater film community in my city, and they are people I feel good supporting with my Sabbath Spending. 

More importantly than the theatre itself is that I believe in telling stories. I think most movies are a load of poo but there are some which are really unique and touching and relevant and which inspire and comfort people. I believe that truly excellent stories told through film must be divinely guided and that this particular story was meant to be told. So for me, movies are not just entertainment, they are a calling, a passion and when done right, I believe they touch on something divine. 

So it is wonderfully appropriate for me to observe my Singlutionary Sacrilegious Secular Sabbath in the movie theatre. It makes sense. And the fact that I can do so without supporting a large corporation or watching bad advertising/trivia before the movie starts makes me feel entirely comfortable with this decision. 

Speaking of pre-preview programing, while I was waiting to watch Away We Go (which I thoroughly enjoyed despite the fact that it portrayed only couples), I saw the most bizarre music video from some decade LONG past. In fact, I am sure that this "music video" was created before the term "music video" was even coined and long before the advent of MTV or my birth (both MTV and I were created at about the same time). 

But the content of this particular music-video-from-the-pre-music-video-era will have to wait for my next post. I wish I could find the video itself and post it here because it is bizarre and funny and totally non-Singlutionary! And also impossible to take seriously. 

Big Love, Small Snack

Yesterday, in order to self-soothe my disappointment over the disappearance of the Pedestrian Bridge boy along with the disappearance of my lifelong career aspirations, I went to costco with a friend where I bought a giant triangle of brie cheese and an even gianter container of pickled jalapenos. I suppose people would buy this kind of container of jalapenos because they run a bowling alley and serve up nachos. But I wanted it all for myself. And it was so cheap. I had to have it.

When I got home, there wasn't really any room for it so I left it on a freshly cleared side table. My roommate, who does not love these delicious peppers in the same way I do, asked me why I had bought such a thing and how I was going to eat it.

I don't know. I said. Maybe I will eat it with brie cheese since I also have a lot of that.

And that is what I did. 

I watched 4 episodes of Big Love, drank some wine and ate crackers, each piled up with a bit of brie and a sliced pickled jalapeno. Its delicious. Its the best thing ever!

And, as if I have not reviewed enough TV shows as of late, I would like to say that watching a TV show about a man and his three wives is the most fun I could have in my current state. 

In some ways I think I could fit in well as a plural wife. I would have some independence, some time alone. Two thirds of the time, I would feel single and I would be part of a strong family/community. But then I would have troubles with the whole breeding thing. I don't want kids and I don't want other people's kids although I could take care of their teenagers. I also don't want to cook or iron. 

Maybe I could be the wife who went to work and had a career and the other wives cleaned and made dinner. 

No, wait. That is the husband.

So, really, what I want to be is the husband. And I want my wives to cook me jalapeno and brie dinners after they've finished ironing my socks.

The Singlution on Craigslist

There are a lot of really desperate daters on craigslist. I am truly impressed not only by the quantity of people looking for love but the quantity of people just looking for SOMETHING. Here is my very own post to craigslist personals:

Gas + Laughter = Love (W4M)

I am looking for someone who takes as much delight in farting-while-laughing as I do. It is such a joyful feeling to laugh from both ends at the same time. I'll have to admit that on the rare occasion that I find myself flatulaughing, I am usually so delighted by the experience that I continue to giggle for days just at the mere thought of it. 

Is there anyone out there who feels the same way? 

I imagine us sitting around laughing and (hopefully) simultaneously and spontaneously farting which will only make us laugh harder. We'll see where things go from there.

My last boyfriend would leave the room whenever I would flatulaugh which really hurt my feelings. I am not sure if he lacked a sense of humor or if he was intimidated by my exuberant windiness. 

I am a S(mostly W)F. I am not looking for a LTR, just a flatulaugh friend or two (I am open to polyflatulaughamy). I am DDF, fit and healthy (I enjoy a diet of beans, cheese and raw vegetables). 

Single Serving

This could be about two things. It could be about singles serving the world through their dedication to various causes and by being available to help all the married people out when they need it, etc.

Or it could be about eating.

Right now, I prefer the latter.

SO. I am on my third day of baked potatos. This is kinda OK with me because I am almost out of potatos and the spud is now blacklisted from my grocery cart. The end is in sight my baked potato friend! 

But still, being single poses its own set of challenges when it comes to eating thrifty, nutritious yet simple meals (and not having enough left overs that you could eat the same exact freaking thing until NEXT thanksgiving).

I have a really bad habit of eating a bowl of rice and/or a gardenburger patty (just the patty defrosted in the toaster oven) for dinner. (If you have a more disgusting dinner habit, please share it below in a comment. Winner of most disgusting dinner habit will be entitled to a bag of rice.)

My focus, as of late, has been shopping and menu planning so that I do not waste a ton of veggies every week. The only problem is that I get too lazy to cook the veggies. (Which means that tomorrow's blog is gonna have to be about making time for your relationship with yourself or some other cheezy-go-happy-sounding title). 

Regardless. What are some good ideas for simple, quick, single dish, single serving meals? Lets put the baked potato in its place!

Here is what I resort to (I am a vegetarian with an unhealthy attraction to carbs but remember, the Singlution is for everyone!):

A salad with lots of chunky yummy proteins and fruit and stuff

A baked potato

Tacos with whatever veggies are in the house sauteed up right quick

A baked sweet potato

Sandwiches with fresh veggies and other deliciousness

Rice

Chillie Killies (I know this is not spelled correctly and I am totally OK with it)

Brown rice

Comment back, yall! Put the name of the dish in the subject line for easy reference! 

Don't keep waiting around for someone to cook for or for someone to cook for you! Its your body so freaking feed it already.