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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Newly Single

I know that not everyone is an expert at being single like me. Because I am so solidly single, I am the person newly single people call to find out how I "survive" my single life. They have a lot of questions. There are many folks out there who have been in a relationship for their entire adult lives and then one day *poof* they are single again. (Of course, it isn't really as simple as a *poof* its more like a long journey thorough hell but I like thinking about fairy-single-mothers granting people freedom from really awful relationships with a *poof*. Its fun! Try it.)

They want to know what I do about sex (woah. another blog entirely!)
They want to know if I am lonely
They want to know how I pay the bills
They want to know how to find a roommate
They want to know how to quit pining away
They want to know how to start dating
They want to know how to be happy again
They want to know how to figure out who they are

One time, a newly single person said something to me which really hurt my feelings but I think it sums up the newly single experience.

She said: I'm used to waking up next to someone every morning. Its a very comforting feeling to wake up next to the same person every morning and now I wake up alone. But you wouldn't know what that is like, would you?

In a way, it is easier for me to have been always single than someone who has lived many years of their life with someone. I've had my breakups but relationships I've had have never lasted long enough for me to be comfortable or comforted. I've always been on my own. 

The best thing that I can say to newly single people is this: 

This is the hardest part right now. With each step you make, things will only get better. For the first time in a long time (or maybe EVER) you can focus entirely on yourself and what you want. The more overwhelmed you feel by trying to figure out who you are and what you want for life, the more potential your life holds. 

Being single is not something which must be endured anymore than being coupled is something which must be endured. Being single is merely a different experience than the coupled one. And single people are not ALONE! Even if your whole life was so wrapped up in your ex that you abandoned all your support networks, there are still people who will support you now! They may be old friends or they may be new ones. They may be your third cousin twice removed. Love and support is out there and all you have to do is ask for it. There are still new and wonderful friendships to forge. There are still many many many opportunities to live and love and be loved!

Single life is not a life void of love or joy or even cuddles. Single life can be pretty much be whatever you want it to be.

Got a burning question about being single? Ask it!

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