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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Not Going Back (Why Facebook and Myspace are Satan Spawn)

If you want to feel like poo about yourself spend a little bit of time on facebook and myspace. I am pretty sure that both were inspired by Satan. If Satan exists. 

The creepiest people from my past are always trying to befriend me. 

Yesterday it was the 19 year old that I desperate dated when I was 23 just because he was available, kinda cute and his younger brother was dating my younger sister. (Slightly incesty relationships are another sign of desperate dating.) Anyways, he ended up cheating on me with the 18-year-old-sister's best friend. Or something like that. Anyways. The 19 year old and the 18 year old are still together (although they are slightly older now).

Then, this morning, I get an invite from the guy who in the 6th grade play was supposed to be Bottom. I was Titania. Anyways, even if you are not familiar with Shakespeare or with Midsummer Night's Dream you will understand this: The kid was supposed to wear these donkey pants that had a tail sewn into them. Well, he wore them BACKWARDS with a big brown hairy sausage hanging down in front. Fortunately, he never gave me the opportunity to desperate date HIM. 

My home town gives me the creeps mainly because everyone there is either married or screwed up or both. Since at this point in my life I would prefer to be neither married nor screwed up, I stay as far away from that place as I can. Even being befriended by strange yet not-quite-strangers is too close for comfort. 

If you hail from a small town (and even big cities feel small if you grew up in them) and you did a lot of desperate dating you might have a strong desire to leave the past in the past. In this case facebook and myspace truly are evil. Dwelling on my old life in that small town makes me feel desperate all over again. I've changed my ways and I'm not going back.

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