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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Singlutionary Self (and my thoughts on dating)

I think I'm done with online dating. Online dating requires two qualities which I currently do not possess: 1) patience and 2) desperation.

I am not willing to sit around waiting for the right guy to become a member and to find me and to invite me on a wonderful date and to fall in love with me. I have way more important things to do. I have way more important things to think about. And I am sick of wasting my time sorting through pages and pages of "laid back" guys only to find an ambitious guy only to find out that he is either a) a bible thumper or b) a big breeder who wants a wife who will be adopted into his huge family and raise and birth his 30 children. I would rather sit on the toilet waiting for a big turd to come out than sit on the computer waiting for a man who ISN'T a big turd to ask me out. 

Online dating (or dating at all for that mater) is great for women who want a laid back bible thumper family oriented guy. Unfortunately, that is not me. I require my own special dating website for all the non-stoner, non-bible-thumping (yet spiritual/religious), non breeding, ambitious types.

So I lack patience. That much is obvious.

I also lack desperation (for the first time in my life) so the way I went about this process was very selective. I winked at guys but I didn't initiate emails. I quit emailing men if it looked like they would never ask me out or if they asked me out in a way that was flakey and not on a real date. I quit emailing guys if they failed to ask a question in the email. And I never responded to an email that struck me as icky in any way. Sometimes it was a matter of spelling and grammar. Sometimes it was a matter of subject or tone. 

In other words. I am picky. 

There is still this little voice coming from a closet in the back of my head which says "if you don't quit being so picky, you'll never be in a relationship" or "you need to be more open to the possibilities". These voices are tired because they have been shouting at me for 15 years. 

I have no desire to lower my standards to find my match. In fact, I would prefer that I continue to learn and grow as a person and that I hold myself to an increasingly higher standard. I believe that THIS (developing an excellent relationship with myself) will attract the right people (romantic and otherwise) into my life much faster than going out with a lousy speller/wishy-washy-dater.

I went online to research the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with. I didn't find him. But I did realize many things about myself and the kind of person I want in a relationship. I also realized that the man of my dreams is so unique that only some kind of crazy god would be able to find a way to bring us together. 

So I am giving up on online dating but I am also investing my time into building a better me. And I do so with the faith that everything I do in my life is leading me closer to my true self which is also, at the same time, bringing me closer to my true match and my truest friends. 

3 comments:

Welsh Girl said...

I have that same dilemma. Am I being too picky? But isn't picky good? Why should I settle for a lunatic? I'd rather be on my own than that. I shall persevere with the online dating for a bit, despite the disastrous last date. It means that I can con myself that I am at least trying to meet single men, who seem to be as rare as hen's teeth in the real world....

The Singlutionary said...

Thanks Welsh Girl! I read (and love) your blog about your blind date! Its great reading for anyone who suffers from being on the online-dating boat.

And I understand the feeling of wanting to feel like you're putting feelers out. I am leaving my profile up just for that reason: to tell the universe I am open (but not waiting).

I really love your posts because you live out in the boondocks and I live here in my city and yet we have such similar encounters!

helovesmenot said...

1. i love love love your blog.
2. thanks for the pep talk haha. it was greatly needed.
3. i think you just described myself with online dating. i never write the first email and rarely ever wink at someone first. i like being picky though because you'd rather be single than sorry right? i'm also too nervous to meet a lot of people from online stuff. it's just kinda creepy still in my mind.