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Friday, February 6, 2009

My Match is My Mirror

I am having so much fun on match.com. There are so many men that I never feel lonely or rejected. At the same time, there are lots of guys that I reject. Sometimes I reject a guy just because of the way he looks in his pictures. Is that shallow? Maybe but I'd like to think that I have a keen sense of people and the kind of pictures folks put up on their profile says a lot about them. 

There are two things that were bugging me when I first started this process: I wanted a man who made a lot of money and who was "athletic/toned". Of course, I do not make a lot of money (right now) and I am not very toned (right now). It kinda bothered me that I was putting these two items on my man wishlist when I currently do not possess either of these qualifications. These two items also seem extremely shallow to me: money and a hot bod. I mean, its nice but is it really important in a soulmate.

So then, a couple days ago, as I was driving out to bosslady's house, I had a revelation:

I want to have a lot of money. I want to have a hot bod.

And that made me realize this: My whole life I've been seeking the qualities I lack (or think I lack) in my mate. And since there are lots of things I suck at, there was always some guy who I was into merely because he was good at something I am not. Here are some examples:

The journalist. I thought this guy was cool because he had his own magazine. I've always wanted to be a writer and tell my story to the world (hence, this blog). The journalist was also very sloppy, broke, close to being arrested, a pushy pot salesman and a bike stealer. He also hooked up with other women he met on craigslist. (I am not saying that its not OK to do this if that is what you're into but I don't want to sleep with you if you do). 

The landlord. He owned a house and rented out the upstairs and lived downstairs. I have always wanted to do that (and now I kinda do). Fortunately, he was also a nice, generous, respectful guy. But what I loved about him at first was his house. 

The abs. This guy lived at home with his parents because he had so much debt after dropping out of the military. But he was fit. At the time my main obsession was getting fit so it followed that I had a major crush on this guy's abs. Unfortunately (or fortunately), he was a flirt but never intended to ask me out. So this crush lasted several months but nothing came of it. 

Anyways. The moral of this Singlutionary tale is this: 

If you are looking for a partner to make up for all your failings and to fill in the parts about yourself that you don't like, you're at a risk for being a desperate dater. The Singlution solution is to review the things you want in a partner and ask yourself if you really just want them in YOU. If that is the case, spend your single time working on those things: for me, it would be plugging away at my endeavors until I can start squeezing some money out of them and working out ever day again. I have the time and space to do this now because I am single. 

In the meantime I (with my empty bank account and extra tummy) am going to be open to dating guys on match.com but when I meet the rich ones with the hot bods I will see them as my match, not as my savior from myself. 

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