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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Singlutionary Short Circuits

I have about five drafts that I can't seem to finish. I write this blog as I discover things myself and as I learn how to live a more Singlutionary life. These days I have many thoughts but they're all in a jumble and I can't seem to come to any conclusions. So be prepared for an onslaught of posts just as soon as my brain works out this crazy equation. 

In the meantime, here is my only clear thought:

I finally quit match.com! And I'm pretty certain that I do not want a boyfriend right now. Actually, I am absolutely certain that I do not want to date and I do not want to be in a relationship. I've got too many things to do with my life before I want to get involved in someone else's. 

But in the past few months I've been getting back to my naturally active self and abandoning the sleep-all-day-in-despair-and-exhaustion self which ruled the roost for pretty much all of 2008. I've been doing lots of things that I already love and I bet that, if I wanted to date, I would be able to find potential quality friends and lovers all over the place. All I would have to do is to turn my head to the side and look around and smile at people. Right now, I am still in survival mode a little bit, getting in and getting out and not making eye contact with anyone. I am still conserving my energies, keeping it to myself, unwilling to share. I am still charging up my batteries after letting them be sucked dry. 

But when I do dare to look around I see interesting people. And surprisingly, not all of them are wearing giant wedding bands. And even more surprisingly, none of them look like freeloading freaks.

Here are some places that I joyfully frequent and where I believe I am far more likely to make a love connection (plutonic or romantic) than on the ole computer:

The hike and bike trail on the lake
The 2 mile secret loop where single walkers with dogs abound
The gym
My mailbox
The local swimming hole
The new organicy food grocery store that just went in down the street
The organic garden store
Dog training class

In the past, I never thought it was possible to strike up a conversation or meet someone in say, the grocery store. It seemed too forced especially when my first question was: "Are you single" and my next question was: "Do you want to marry me?" Of course I'm not going to be able to make casual conversation with all that pressure looming over me. 

When I was in the place of single-as-desperate instead of single-and-satisfied, it was really hard to get to know people in random places. But now that I am learning to be who I am and enjoy my life I wouldn't be afraid to talk to someone in dog class or on the hike and bike trail because I would just be chatting. I'm not looking for anything, just enjoying my life. And if the other person is like: "You freak. Ew. Quit talking to me. You stink." I would be like: "Hey, I actually do stink a little bit but its not like your pits are all pristine in this weather either." And I would go on my merry way. 


Stevi said...

I bet it felt good to get rid of match.com! Meeting someone in the simple ways always seems to work for other people, but is harder than it looks! I guess I just imagine myself shopping at my local grocery store and bumping into Mr. Right when it is the 'time' but who knows. You just have to be happy livin the life right? Keep on keepin on. :) lol.

Kahnee said...

I am way too shy to strike up chatter, but I'm working on it. I've started jogging with some of the boys at work. I harldy used to talk to them but I'm getting better.

Akirah said...

I can relate to this freedom. After twenty-one years of singleness, I decided to throw in the towel and learn how to be content as a single woman. Three months later, I met my first boyfriend. Sure, it was nice having someone around to make out with, but I was fine either way. Good for you for pursuing contentment. It will serve you well.

Megs said...

I love the post. So did you delete your profile? Mine is just hidden because unlike you I just don't care to ride it out. Do you have to wait till your time is up to delete forever? Sorry for all the match related question I just find them so unhelpful.

Isn't it great to not feel desperate and single? I think you are going to be reaping the benefits of your new found attitude even more. I can just tell you are totally rocking and loving your life. I'm so jealous you have a dog!

Special K said...

A two thumbs up for quitters! Meeting other people and connecting, even on a friendship level, is very challenging in our culture because usually we don't look at each other. Instead of looking for places where others might be, challenge yourself to this: SMILE at at LEAST THREE STRANGERS each day...for at least 10 seconds. It will bring light and love into your life!

Susan Walsh said...

I totally agree with Special K, and I think it's great that you can feel comfortable just meeting people without an agenda. It's that ulterior motive that kills all the genuine warmth and spontaneity when meeting someone new. I saw an article once that recommended falling in love with 4 people every day. Wow, that's a tough assignment, but an interesting exercise. It forces you to look at someone new with attention, or maybe to look at someone you already know well in a new way.

The Singlutionary said...

Megs: I hid my profile. I was too lazy to figure out how to delete the whole thing. I already filter the email so that they go directly to a folder instead of my inbox so the fact that I have an inactive profile there isn't bugging me too much.

Special K and Susan: I love your suggestions (smile at 3 people a day or, if that gets too easy, fall in love 3 people a day). I am working back up to that. I am naturally a very open, joyful person but because of that I also get extremely burned out on being in public or being around people. Right now I am still restoring my energies and filling up my reservoir of joy. I'm getting there. Baby steps.

Kahnee: I am way too shy to jog with boys! That would be way harder than talking to them standing still. The thought of exercising with a member of the opposite sex really intimidates me.

Clever Elsie said...

Yay for quitting Match.com and taking a hiatus from dating! I am doing the same. It got to a point where I realized that I was happier on my own than I was rearranging my life for someone else.