In the meantime, here is my only clear thought:
I finally quit match.com! And I'm pretty certain that I do not want a boyfriend right now. Actually, I am absolutely certain that I do not want to date and I do not want to be in a relationship. I've got too many things to do with my life before I want to get involved in someone else's.
But in the past few months I've been getting back to my naturally active self and abandoning the sleep-all-day-in-despair-and-exhaustion self which ruled the roost for pretty much all of 2008. I've been doing lots of things that I already love and I bet that, if I wanted to date, I would be able to find potential quality friends and lovers all over the place. All I would have to do is to turn my head to the side and look around and smile at people. Right now, I am still in survival mode a little bit, getting in and getting out and not making eye contact with anyone. I am still conserving my energies, keeping it to myself, unwilling to share. I am still charging up my batteries after letting them be sucked dry.
But when I do dare to look around I see interesting people. And surprisingly, not all of them are wearing giant wedding bands. And even more surprisingly, none of them look like freeloading freaks.
Here are some places that I joyfully frequent and where I believe I am far more likely to make a love connection (plutonic or romantic) than on the ole computer:
The hike and bike trail on the lake
The 2 mile secret loop where single walkers with dogs abound
The local swimming hole
The new organicy food grocery store that just went in down the street
The organic garden store
Dog training class
In the past, I never thought it was possible to strike up a conversation or meet someone in say, the grocery store. It seemed too forced especially when my first question was: "Are you single" and my next question was: "Do you want to marry me?" Of course I'm not going to be able to make casual conversation with all that pressure looming over me.
When I was in the place of single-as-desperate instead of single-and-satisfied, it was really hard to get to know people in random places. But now that I am learning to be who I am and enjoy my life I wouldn't be afraid to talk to someone in dog class or on the hike and bike trail because I would just be chatting. I'm not looking for anything, just enjoying my life. And if the other person is like: "You freak. Ew. Quit talking to me. You stink." I would be like: "Hey, I actually do stink a little bit but its not like your pits are all pristine in this weather either." And I would go on my merry way.