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Friday, September 24, 2010

Singlutionary's Search for a Proper Peer

I have a utopian view of the world in which everyone is their own person and people love each other freely and there is no need for jealousy. In this world, new relationships broaden the worlds, not only of the people in them, but of their entire communities as well. This is a pretty hippie-like version of peace, love and understanding and all the crap that goes along with that -- like hemp pants, compost and organic farming.

And then I wake up. And I live in the real world where being single at almost-30 is frightening. Why? Because I'm alone. I'm not talking about being alone in a not-having-a-partner way. I'm talking about being alone in another way -- in the way where my communities have faded, my friends are tied up with their family or with their marriage and I don't seem to have any peers.

Where have all my peers gone? In my town, I have ONE uncoupled friend of my age.

And lets face it. There is a difference between being uncoupled in your early 20s and being uncoupled in your early 30s.

And I'm not talking about pressure to couple. I am talking about finding peers. It is more common for folks in their early 20s to be single and to be exploring the world and to have friends in the same place.

Of course, it was never common for me. My two best friends were both married by the time I turned 22 and had been coupled long before that. I've always been the sole single girl in my inner circle. But my outer circle has been full of intelligent, smart women in their early-mid 20s.

So why, after 10 years, is it suddenly so much more horrifying to be the only single in my Singlutionary world?

Peers. They're harder to come by. Supposedly there are tons of single women in their 30s on this earth but I never meet them. And just because I meet another single woman in her early 30s doesn't mean that we have anything in common! She might be divorced or have children or she might be a rabid racist chicken hater or an exercise nazi or plenty of other things which are totally acceptable but which I am not.

Or she might be might just want to talk about how she is so sad without a mate.

I get bored with that. I do it enough myself in secret moments of weakness and then am ashamed to have dishonored my Singlutionary costume in such a way (my Singlutionary costume is made of orange spandex).

I have plenty of ways to meet people. I meet people as part of my job. I've found that dog people are often single. So that is a start. I love dogs. I love singles. Single dog people = double rainbow of joyfulness.

Which brings me back to this blog. I've got peers here. Plenty of them: The folks who read this blog, the folks who comment and the folks who write their own wonderful blogs about being a happy single. And I have my one wonderful late 20s real-life single friend.

And I have my dates. Chronically single men vying for a chance to bone me who don't know that I'm really just looking for a peer.

Where do you find your Singlutionary peers -- no matter what your age or place in life? Life is about change -- and more often than not -- our best friend's lives don't change at the same exact moment and in the same exact way that ours do. So, while it is totally possible to maintain relationships with coupled parent friends, it is also good to seek out people who are in a more similar place in life.

Where do you find them? How do you identify them? And how to you form a real life community as strong as this one here online?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

National Singlutionary Week

It has been an entire year since National Singles Week. And here it is all over again!

Singlutionary was recently featured on Relationship Talk in an article about six empowering single's blogs! I've been fairly inactive as a blogger for almost a year now and I am delighted to find that my words are still out there in the blog-i-verse, doing good. Please read the article and check out the 5 other fantastic blogs hi lighted.

Last year, I was honored to participate in Single Women Rule's Blog Crawl. Although I am not participating this year, I do want to spread the word. There are lots of wonderful blogs and wonderful things being written about single life and single living and lifting the single stigma. So go, read, and be inspired.

As for me, this National Singlutionary Week -- I've had a few revelations:

1. I miss my relationship with this blog and my readers and fellow bloggers. And I want to spend more time here.

2. There are lots of wonderful bloggers writing about the social & political aspects of being single. What I am good at is writing about the personal aspects. Although I care deeply about the issues that Onely and Bella DePaulo write about, that is not what this blog is about. So what IS this blog about then? I suppose it is about my life. It is a personal story.

So in the coming weeks, I will be more present here. I will also be reorganizing and revamping quite a few aspects of the blog -- including even -- maybe -- gasp -- the template. And you can expect stories and insights and humor as always.

Thank you for reading,

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Singlutionary Sunday

I've written twice before about the way I spend my Sundays.

I struggle between wanting to be restful, wanting to go on fun & active adventures and wanting to get all the stuff done that so desperately needs to get done but never does.

For the summer, I went with the "fun and active adventures" route. I coordinated activities and rallied the troops. It was fun. But it also left me unproductive during the week. I was either busy coordinating next Sunday's getaway or I was still recovering from the past Sunday's funday. Good times were had, new places discovered, conversations were had and new bonds were made and my horizons were broadened. It was wonderful.

But now I am broke and tired. So, for the past month, Sundays have been all about lounging around in my pjs and catching up on TV shows and doing pretty much nothing except resting so much that by the end of the day I am so ready for the week to begin again.

This week, partly out of necessity and partly because I was inspired by an insanely productive friend, I decided to have a slightly productive Sunday -- a hybrid adventure/restful/catching up day.

And it worked. Kinda. I am tired. But I did catch up which makes me feel less stressed about the week to come. I ran, I read, I gave myself a facial.

It was pretty much a day for myself.

Of course, I had to do some things that weren't tons of fun. But they were productive and made me feel relieved when finished.

Today wasn't really profound in and of itself. But it marks a sort of awesome recovery in my life. When I began this blog, I was writing in final attempt to pull myself out of the darkness that I had recently experienced. Being single and happy really was revelatory to me at that juncture.

Now, I live every day as a single and every day is just another day, another opportunity for rest or adventure or catching up. Or all of the above!