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Friday, January 21, 2011

Seeing Singlutionary

I've been more or less absent from blogging for over a year now. And although, during this time, I very much wanted to write, wanted to continue to participate in the happily single online community -- I also felt like I had nothing to say.

Either I had nothing to say, or I couldn't figure out what to say.

Writing stopped feeling cathartic because suddenly, being single & happy was, well, boring. I was content. My issues weren't around being single but around working out other kinks in my life.

And, for part of the past year I was not single. I was unhappily coupled, trapped in a strange relationship that I have no idea how I wound up in. It was a friendship gone awry which did teach me a few things about myself that I wasn't aware of: That I am seduceable despite my better intentions, that I am ambitious beyond my wildest beliefs and that I am incompatible with a broad range of personality traits which include heavy drinking, annoying questions and general neediness.

I tried to ride out the relationship with grace in order to save the friendship and failed.

It just wasn't something that I wanted to write about. Especially knowing that my blog would be read by said love-disaster.

A good portion of the year has transpired since that relationship came to a close and I am beginning to experience new revelatory interactions which might result in something more than a post saying "I'll be back soon".

I've also been blessed with many free books which need to be reviewed.

So, tonight, this Friday night, three months after my last post, I am finally on that long awaited date with my blog.

I could be on a date with a man. I have a few prospects, all of which are promising both physically and intellectually. But I am not. I am at home, being the homebody that I am and grateful for this time to jump back into the Singlutionary world.

Even though I suspect that I will not feel single much longer. Because, I have now at my disposal a growing community of smart, funny and interesting men.

Being without men was the only thing that was an issue before. Not in a romantic or even sexual way (although missing sex and intimacy was definitely an issue at times) -- but in some kind of yin/yang balance. I need men in my life just as I need friends with various perspectives and upbringings in my life. I need that male perspective and -- to be quite honest -- the masculine quality in general.

Some of the best times I had this year were with men who I am not romantically involved with -- I hiked to the top of Angel's Landing in Zion and spent a week in Chicago discussing Shakespeare with my Comical Cousin and a week ago today I spend the day hiking outside of Vegas to a delicious hot spring with (an admittedly sexy) Future Fed. And lately Tall Turtle has been buying me beers and generally showing me a good, laid back time (OK, so there is obviously some potential romance there).

But, in general, I think I've finally learned how to be friends with men. And it is a great experience and fills the place in my life that was made empty when my female friends all defected to marriage and babies.

And this blog, my Singlutionary life, is here on Friday nights when the best thing to do is check up with all the wonderful single people out there and their creative, interesting, engaging lives which are so full and joyful and positive despite being considered, by many of our culture, to be missing their "other half".

7 comments:

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I love this post for so many reasons! I'm sorry you had to go through such a shitty time with a now ex-friend but if you learned from it and grew as a person, all's good, yes? Now let's hear some more about these men! ;)

The Singlutionary said...

Yes, it is all good. I learned so much from the not-so-fun relationship and it was easy lessons compared to the really bad relationships I have had in the past.

Can't wait to report on the men. They are wonderful. I love having wonderful men in my life!

Stevi said...

I think getting to that place where you have many great male friends is amazing!!! There is something spectacular about that. Gives you hope that there are good men out there to date or just be friends with.

eleanore said...

Good for you...for taking up the "pen" again, for pushing through that relationship...for knowing that having men in your life is a good thing.

www.TheSpinsterliciousLife.com

Sixty and Single in Seattle said...

Sounding good. Glad to hear your voice again, and I too am thinking "overview," partly because tomorrow is my Two Years anniversary of being Sixty and Single in Seattle !

onely.org said...

Singlutionary, we've missed you and are happy to have you back! Great to hear your virtual voice again :)

-- Lisa

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