The whole situation caught me off guard. And then it took me a couple days to get my singlution back. This post is about what I learned from the feelings/confusion/frustration that followed this unexpected makeout session.
1. I am a different person since becoming the Singlutionary and while I may be an expert at being single I am not an expert at romance or hooking up (in any way shape or form). These things are shaky ground for me and I need to not be overly confident or feel infallible in these areas (yet).
2. Making out can feel just as confusing afterwards as actually having sex. I never thought this was possible. After swearing off sex (This calls for another post entirely which I have been incredibly reluctant to write about. It is interesting how controversial choosing to NOT have sex is.), making out feels much more intimate. I wasn't prepared for this.
3. I am not invincible. One reason I was so freaked out after the makeout was because I felt myself snowballing towards an inevitable week of pitiful pining, wah-wah-waiting and desperate attempts at dating. I felt my Singlutionary confidence slipping away. Sometimes life shakes us up. I felt incredibly vulnerable and defenseless because I was so unprepared to be attracted to someone again.
4. I do not want a relationship of any kind right now. For me, this also means not making out or hooking up with people. Some people have asked me about how to deal with the lack of sex and affection as a single person. Until lately this hasn't been an issue for me although it is something very worth of addressing. However, for me personally, random makeouts (or hookups) isn't the answer.
5. I forgot that I am a young attractive charismatic woman. I've been so busy writing and working and trying to figure out myself and grow into a positive, fulfilling relationship with ME that I forgot all about how other people perceive me. And I was kinda thrown off kilter by someone else being interested in me again. Which leads me to:
6. It is time for me to start engaging with the world again so that I can practice interacting with people in a way that is respectful and healthy for both me and for the individuals that I come in contact with. Most of my interactions with people these days are with a few childhood friends, my bosslady, my roommates and with people I work on projects with. I have few face-to-face peer relationships which are purely social. I am quite comfortable in a work/project/task-oriented environment but feel off kilter in social environments. So now that I am no longer a work-a-holic, its time for me to re-learn and dust off my social skills.